A letter for you

Elliot,

I keep trying to figure out when it started and I always land on the same day. Not the first Sonu function, even though I couldn't stop talking to you that night and didn't really know why. It was the day of the 5k. I spent that whole day thinking about being with you and telling myself I shouldn't, and then I did it anyway. Thank God I didn't listen to myself.

A few days later you had the idea to go stargazing. I have dreams about that night. Driving around with you after, nowhere to be and no reason to go home, is one of my favorite things I have ever done.

Then everything went fast. Prom, and the morning after. Beckham's house, which is not going to be the same without you. That picture of us from the second hangout is my lock screen and I look at it every single day on purpose.

What I didn't see coming was your family. You came out to the farm and got along with everyone better than I do, and you were dying that entire day and still did it. Then your mom started treating me like I was one of you. I have never had that with anybody. I don't think you understand what that did for me.

You gave me people too. Half my friends are my friends because of you. You put my old friends and my new friends in the same room and they actually liked each other, and I would have bet money against that. You buy gifts for everyone you love for no reason at all. You're that bitch and I mean that in the best possible way.

The best days were the nothing days though. Getting boba. Watching Love Island, which I am not forgiving you for. Line dancing. Sitting across a table from you eating a burger. I would take any one of those over almost anything else I can think of.

We have done this before. France, California, and I sulked the whole time you were gone for both. I knew this one was coming and it did not help at all. Walking back to the house in the rain that last night is when I actually broke. At the airport I held it together because you were crying and I wanted to be strong for you.

So I made you this. A photo for every day you're gone and something I wanted to tell you about each one. They open one at a time, on purpose, so there is always something of us waiting for you at the end of the day.

Forty-nine days. Then you're home and I get to see you in person instead of on a screen.

Wherever you are and however long it takes, I am going to love you. You mean the world to me.

I love you so much.

— Nik